Even if you’ve yet to prove that your boys can swim, maybe you’ve already thought about how to take a boy and raise a man, and how to instill in him the virtues of manliness. The first step is to be clear about what manliness is. With many empty qualities floating out there for men to desperately cling to, it can be difficult to define. However, if you’re looking to raise a good old-fashioned paisan of a man who does well with the ladies, makes a good income and doesn’t shy away from cafones and the occasional rat, then don’t go anywhere -- Mafia Lesson has some foolproof tips up his sleeve for whipping a boy into shape without relying on such banned techniques as whipping, beating, spanking, and shaking (although… no, never mind). Here’s how to raise a man.
Put him in the ring
If you’ve ever seen the brilliant Martin Scorsese flick Raging Bull where Robert De Niro plays the former middleweight champ Jake La Motta, then you know that a boxing pedigree can help your kid be as tough as nails. Of course, most professional boxers also happen to be meatheads. All you want, though, is to toughen your boy up so that he’s able to deal with the school bully when the time comes.
Of course, another option is martial arts, but they’re a waste of time. Unless your kid goes on to be an MMA guy, there’s no use in learning karate or kung fu. Remember: This is Malaysia where bullies still use their fists to prove their point. And as kids get older, the situation doesn’t really change much since all you really need when dealing with slimy swindlers is how to land the first punch. And boxing will teach your kid how to sneak a surprise attack while also preparing him to block that first punch.
Teach him to shoot something
As with most things in life, timing is everything when you’re raising a kid. If your boy has a good head on his shoulders, there comes a time when he should learn how to handle a gun, as this will help you raise a man. Ideally, you would be an avid hunter who takes weekend deer-hunting trips or guns down quail to grill on Sunday nights. Nevertheless, boys are inevitably curious about guns, and it’s better that you show him how to shoot before he tracks down his own silly reasons for pretending he’s in a video game.
So, if you live in the city, take him to some grimy alley and let him shoot rats. If you live in the country but don’t hunt, line up a few empties and let him pop them off.
Give him some work
Everyone needs to work, even little guys. Too often, parents are content sending their kids to school and then sticking them in front of the TV or the computer when they get home. This is the lazy man’s approach to parenting and it will fry your son’s brain. You may recall your own youth and the kind of raging energy you had. Boys need to play, they need to compete in sports and they need to be outdoors. So, when he’s too young to hold down a job, make sure to keep him busy by having him paint the house, cut the grass or pick up the groceries.
It’s also a good idea to build the boy’s self-confidence by sending him on important errands that he can’t tell his mother about. Maybe this means spying on someone’s activities or being a low-level messenger. Either way, the idea is to provide the boy with things that are exciting, that teach him responsibility and that fuel ideas of his own self-worth.
Send him to a strict private school
The trouble with most public schools is that they’re chronically underfunded. Not only that, but there is no unifying vision at these places. Sure, anyone can go, but is it really in your son’s best interest to learn in a place where discipline is as obsolete as the guillotine? Instead, try a little old world order when you want to raise a man. A good strict school will teach your boy the values of tradition and history while instilling in him a reasonable sense of moral order. Besides, the reason many young kids fly off the handle and make terrible decisions when left to their own devices is because they’ve haven’t been taught anything about their past, their history or their ancestry. As a result, they’re so future-obsessed that they have no profound sense of right and wrong.
Take him to a strip club
Yes, the strip club, that timeless establishment where boys will be boys and women will strip. Aside from being a good rite of passage for a young man, the strip club is a place where business happens, where men meet to unwind, where men smoke and drink and talk dirty to their hearts’ content. For a young man, the strip club provides a fine setting for his mind to learn about what men do in their free time. Not only that, but it might help him understand why you’re so late in getting home every once in a while.
Teach him how to cut a piece of meat
When I first left home, I got my first and only present from my father. It consisted of a meat cleaver, a set of steak knives and a knife-sharpener. He was making the point that a man may not know how to blend spices like the Iron Chef, however he should not only know how to carve the Christmas turkey but also how to prepare and cook a good piece of meat. So when you fire up the barbecue, get your son involved. If you want to raise a man, make him drop a steak on the grill, teach him how long to leave the steak on the heat and have him slice the meat. That way, you can relax with a cigar while little Johnny takes care of making it rare.
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